Everything you know about sex is true.

Porn theater for house plants opens in California

In a bid to increase movie audiences exponentially, and to dominate the motion picture industry, conceptual artist Jonathon Keats has announced plans to produce film and video for other species -- from rose bushes to almond trees -- using specialized new techniques. "Humans have more entertainment than they can endure," explains Mr. Keats. "Yet organisms with populations far greater than ours are routinely ignored by MGM and Disney."

Mr. Keats came to appreciate the potential impact of arts and entertainment on non-human audiences while choreographing ballet for honeybees at Chico State University last year. "Dance comes naturally to bees," he says, "less naturally to trees. But all plants can perform photosynthesis. They're sensitive to the play of light. As an entertainment form, cinema was practically made for them."

By projecting specially-prepared video directly onto foliage, Mr. Keats found an effective way to share
films with bushes and brambles, even entire forests and jungles. Yet he chose to open the first movie
theater for the botanical kingdom at 1078 Gallery, an alternative arts space in Chico, California.

What genres of film would appeal to flora? "The only thing that would be a sure hit, I figured, was sex," explained the artist. Accordingly, Keats filmed plants getting pollinated, editing his uncensored footage into a gritty black-and-white porn video.

This way to the Cinema Botanica trailer.

sponsored by: